Post by Pandie on Jul 15, 2010 17:39:54 GMT -5
~*~She sat there in her new bought lingerie top, her short legs drawn up underneath her, and the bed's blue comforter drapped around her bare shoulders. Her hair was tuffled from her unsuccessful attempt at sleep, and the little bit of mascara she had applied that morning was streaked down her cheeks from the teardrops that had been sliding from her eye's for the last forty minuntes now. Her eye's remained abit unfocused gazed in the direction of her litup computer screen. The soft muffles of the country music station from the other room floats in the background of her small bedroom, and other then the sound of clicks from the keyboard in which her finger's were uncontrollingly flying over, there was no other noise in her appartment building.
Occasionally she would emit a small sigh, or a quiet sniffle, but most of the evening passed in such silence. Usually a night as peaceful as this one would comfort the Lass, but on this evening it was doing anything but.
Wether it be from lack of sleep, or perhaps just one of those nights, she couldn't stop frowning. The tears constantly fell from her deep blue eye's, unwilling to listen to her command to stop. Her small stubby fingers trembled slightly as they posed over the keyboard, awaiting the right words that may somehow convey how she was feeling tonight. But so far, none had come. After a few moment's of pause, she continued to type.~*~
How is it possible to put into words something that you yourself don't even understand. Some feeling that, hard as you try, refuses to go away.
~*~Still trembling, her fingers posed over the keyboard still, she sniffled, and rose her right hand to absentmindedly brush away the latest teardrop that had escaped her eyes. Her head turns to glance around the room, ensuring herself that there is no one about and for some reason, this dampens her mood even more.
So often she awakes from a restless night only to head to work, a building with at least four hundred people around her, and still manages to feel somewhat alone. She smiles and chats to the neighbours at the desks around hers, and even plays afew games with them to pass by the time. She greets each phonecall she recieves with such innocence. Some days work is her most favourite place to be, because when her shift finally ends she knows that she must return home... to the empty appartment that she rents. Every night she is pushed back into the dark and isolated world that she must reside in.
Silently, she finds the top row of her teeth scraping against the skin of her bottom lip as she types. Her mind isn't completely on the task at hand, thus she really doesn't have an idea as to what it is she is writing about. All she knows is that she has to escape the silence. The isolation. The feeling of being alone.
Quickly she banishes the though of being alone, for she knows she is far from it. She's smack in the middle of a large world, surrounded by people. She has friends around every bend, and not far away her whole world is asleep. She knows that if she wanted to, she could click herself available on either three of the chatting programs she keeps on her computer, and within minutes people will start to message her. But this evening she's not looking for a chance to paste on a smile and act as if all's right in the world.
Tonight, she just wants to mope. She wants to cry in the privacy of her own room knowing that tomorrow morning none will be the wiser. Tonight she wants to release everything that ever built up inside of her. Everything she created and everything she didn't.
Another sigh escapes her parted lips as her fingers abandon the keyboard to roughly brush the platter of salted raindrops that were chasing down her pale cheeks. Her hands then raise up to run through her hair, brushing it out of her face, and back down her neck. She shifts somewhat reluctently so her leg falls from it's fold underneath of her, rolling her eyes in disappointment as she feels the pins and needles of it being asleep.
Her fingers take their place back over her keyboard once again, though still she cannot find the right words to describe this endless night. But the silence and the unability to occupy her time is slowly driving her crazy, until she finally results to one of those chatters list and clicks online to make her presence known, though she's not sure why.
Her body is racked in a silent shudder as if she was cold to the bone, but yet her flesh is crimson, her cheeks heated. The blanket drapped around her shoulders is no longer needed, and she disregards it to fall to the floor around her barefoot.
She's determined not to log offline until she is able to express what shes feeling, though it was beginning to seem an impossible task. Finally, she closed her eyes, the teardrops roaming freely down an invisable path to her chin, where they would leap off carelessly and spatter against her chest. With her eye's closed still, she allows her mind to roam, not even thinking about what direction it should take. Her fingers, waiting for something to do, take the hint and begin their job. ~*~
When an evening is not like one we had ever had before, how do we compare it to another? How can we put into words what we do not understand? Tonight, there are no words to describe the emotion I am feeling. Tonight, there is no explination.
~*~Her eye's opened and she reread what she had just typed, before her fingers continued, seemingly to have a mind of their own. ~*~
How can one feel so alone in a world with so many people? How do you feel so out of reach when you know there are truely good friends just a click away? And how can you feel like crying, when life seems to be going so well. Is it possibly just the need to make things worse? Do you cry simply because you can? If so, why can I not turn off the faucets whenever I wish? Why do my tears still fall even after there is nothing left to cry? My heart was filled with such joy. Such love. But tonight, all alone, I cannot seem to think about those happy times. Tonight I am filled with a sense of.. emptiness. I cannot find the words to describe it, nor am I sure I should. I know that tomorrow I shall be fine. Tomorrow I will smile, and I will laugh. My dark mood shall be over. But tonight it is a big part of me, and I dont know why.
~*~her eyes remained shut, as her fingers once again brushed the teardrops from her cheeks and chin. Lip quivering, she sighed again. Before she had the chance to do anything else, her fingers took up typing once again~*~
I suppose everyone feels like this every once in awhile, though it isn't a pretty feeling at all. The fear of being alone is always so powerful in such silence. Such isolation. Perhaps some day I shall find a cure for the darkened nights. Perhaps some how there's a way to spend each evening in the light. But, until that miricle happens, the evenings shall always be my biggest fobia. My biggest fear. For in the evenings a new side of me comes out that no one sees. The side of me that says, you are alone. You are alone and you are scared. The nights will be the end of me. For although the day can pass with such happiness, it is when I retire to my room alone. My bed by myself. My dreams on my own, that is when I cannot bare. How can one spend their day with such great people, but always result in isolation at the end of the day. It is a myserty to me. And one, that I shall always strive to understand.
~*~Her fingers finally rested, and although her cheeks were now damp from the tears, she felt more calm. More peaceful. Perhaps, even enough so to sleep. As she clicked saved on her small window, she untucked the other leg from underneath her. Her chatters name ceased to light up, as she set it for 'away' and silently closed the open windows. With a small gesture, she had pushed her keyboard tray in and rose from her computer chair. Leaving the comforter on the floor among her days clothing, she took the two steps it took to reach her bed, and sank into the worn mattresses, reaching to the headboard to switch off the small lamp that had been on. As her head met pillow, a small exausted sigh escaped her parted lips, and she rolled onto her side, her back to the rest of the room, face to the wall. She had usually slept this way, for it made it easier to forget that behind her, it was empty. That she alone.
Her eye's drifted shut, and she smiled grimly as her mind took over, wandering again in every which direction it could go. It would be awihle before it rested long enough for her to fall asleep, but she was patient, for she knew when she finally slept, she would be at peace. She would sleep with ease. And tomorrow, she would smile. ~*~
Occasionally she would emit a small sigh, or a quiet sniffle, but most of the evening passed in such silence. Usually a night as peaceful as this one would comfort the Lass, but on this evening it was doing anything but.
Wether it be from lack of sleep, or perhaps just one of those nights, she couldn't stop frowning. The tears constantly fell from her deep blue eye's, unwilling to listen to her command to stop. Her small stubby fingers trembled slightly as they posed over the keyboard, awaiting the right words that may somehow convey how she was feeling tonight. But so far, none had come. After a few moment's of pause, she continued to type.~*~
How is it possible to put into words something that you yourself don't even understand. Some feeling that, hard as you try, refuses to go away.
~*~Still trembling, her fingers posed over the keyboard still, she sniffled, and rose her right hand to absentmindedly brush away the latest teardrop that had escaped her eyes. Her head turns to glance around the room, ensuring herself that there is no one about and for some reason, this dampens her mood even more.
So often she awakes from a restless night only to head to work, a building with at least four hundred people around her, and still manages to feel somewhat alone. She smiles and chats to the neighbours at the desks around hers, and even plays afew games with them to pass by the time. She greets each phonecall she recieves with such innocence. Some days work is her most favourite place to be, because when her shift finally ends she knows that she must return home... to the empty appartment that she rents. Every night she is pushed back into the dark and isolated world that she must reside in.
Silently, she finds the top row of her teeth scraping against the skin of her bottom lip as she types. Her mind isn't completely on the task at hand, thus she really doesn't have an idea as to what it is she is writing about. All she knows is that she has to escape the silence. The isolation. The feeling of being alone.
Quickly she banishes the though of being alone, for she knows she is far from it. She's smack in the middle of a large world, surrounded by people. She has friends around every bend, and not far away her whole world is asleep. She knows that if she wanted to, she could click herself available on either three of the chatting programs she keeps on her computer, and within minutes people will start to message her. But this evening she's not looking for a chance to paste on a smile and act as if all's right in the world.
Tonight, she just wants to mope. She wants to cry in the privacy of her own room knowing that tomorrow morning none will be the wiser. Tonight she wants to release everything that ever built up inside of her. Everything she created and everything she didn't.
Another sigh escapes her parted lips as her fingers abandon the keyboard to roughly brush the platter of salted raindrops that were chasing down her pale cheeks. Her hands then raise up to run through her hair, brushing it out of her face, and back down her neck. She shifts somewhat reluctently so her leg falls from it's fold underneath of her, rolling her eyes in disappointment as she feels the pins and needles of it being asleep.
Her fingers take their place back over her keyboard once again, though still she cannot find the right words to describe this endless night. But the silence and the unability to occupy her time is slowly driving her crazy, until she finally results to one of those chatters list and clicks online to make her presence known, though she's not sure why.
Her body is racked in a silent shudder as if she was cold to the bone, but yet her flesh is crimson, her cheeks heated. The blanket drapped around her shoulders is no longer needed, and she disregards it to fall to the floor around her barefoot.
She's determined not to log offline until she is able to express what shes feeling, though it was beginning to seem an impossible task. Finally, she closed her eyes, the teardrops roaming freely down an invisable path to her chin, where they would leap off carelessly and spatter against her chest. With her eye's closed still, she allows her mind to roam, not even thinking about what direction it should take. Her fingers, waiting for something to do, take the hint and begin their job. ~*~
When an evening is not like one we had ever had before, how do we compare it to another? How can we put into words what we do not understand? Tonight, there are no words to describe the emotion I am feeling. Tonight, there is no explination.
~*~Her eye's opened and she reread what she had just typed, before her fingers continued, seemingly to have a mind of their own. ~*~
How can one feel so alone in a world with so many people? How do you feel so out of reach when you know there are truely good friends just a click away? And how can you feel like crying, when life seems to be going so well. Is it possibly just the need to make things worse? Do you cry simply because you can? If so, why can I not turn off the faucets whenever I wish? Why do my tears still fall even after there is nothing left to cry? My heart was filled with such joy. Such love. But tonight, all alone, I cannot seem to think about those happy times. Tonight I am filled with a sense of.. emptiness. I cannot find the words to describe it, nor am I sure I should. I know that tomorrow I shall be fine. Tomorrow I will smile, and I will laugh. My dark mood shall be over. But tonight it is a big part of me, and I dont know why.
~*~her eyes remained shut, as her fingers once again brushed the teardrops from her cheeks and chin. Lip quivering, she sighed again. Before she had the chance to do anything else, her fingers took up typing once again~*~
I suppose everyone feels like this every once in awhile, though it isn't a pretty feeling at all. The fear of being alone is always so powerful in such silence. Such isolation. Perhaps some day I shall find a cure for the darkened nights. Perhaps some how there's a way to spend each evening in the light. But, until that miricle happens, the evenings shall always be my biggest fobia. My biggest fear. For in the evenings a new side of me comes out that no one sees. The side of me that says, you are alone. You are alone and you are scared. The nights will be the end of me. For although the day can pass with such happiness, it is when I retire to my room alone. My bed by myself. My dreams on my own, that is when I cannot bare. How can one spend their day with such great people, but always result in isolation at the end of the day. It is a myserty to me. And one, that I shall always strive to understand.
~*~Her fingers finally rested, and although her cheeks were now damp from the tears, she felt more calm. More peaceful. Perhaps, even enough so to sleep. As she clicked saved on her small window, she untucked the other leg from underneath her. Her chatters name ceased to light up, as she set it for 'away' and silently closed the open windows. With a small gesture, she had pushed her keyboard tray in and rose from her computer chair. Leaving the comforter on the floor among her days clothing, she took the two steps it took to reach her bed, and sank into the worn mattresses, reaching to the headboard to switch off the small lamp that had been on. As her head met pillow, a small exausted sigh escaped her parted lips, and she rolled onto her side, her back to the rest of the room, face to the wall. She had usually slept this way, for it made it easier to forget that behind her, it was empty. That she alone.
Her eye's drifted shut, and she smiled grimly as her mind took over, wandering again in every which direction it could go. It would be awihle before it rested long enough for her to fall asleep, but she was patient, for she knew when she finally slept, she would be at peace. She would sleep with ease. And tomorrow, she would smile. ~*~
