I'm Doing It For Me

[Pandie]

You're suppose to be my mother
You're suppose to show you care
So why is it when I need you
Do you choose to not be there?

I call trying to talk to you
But all we do is fight
Everything I do you hate
I just wanna make it right.

You say I guilt trip you
But you were my biggest fan
I try to include you in my life
But you just shove me out again.

I ask you for support
And you say that I have it
But if that truely were the case
I wouldn't feel so much like *beep*

Can't you see Im doing this
With or without you
If you simply took the time
You'd see I speak the truth.

I used to count on you
To help me with my life
But lately all we bring each other
Are weeks just full of strife.

So if we cannot talk together
Then I'll result to written word
Maybe then you'll understand
The things you never heard.

It hurts to know we're drifting
That thing's will never be the same
It hurts even more to hear you say
That my life is just a game.

It saddens me when I cannot
Share the joy I feel
Knowing that I've accomplished
Something that's so very real.

You may not understand
Or like what I choose to do
But I hope deep inside you know
It isn't up to you.

You say you know what's best for me
But you don't see me at all
For if you really knew me
You'd see Im picking up from the fall.

I haven't cried for so long
I haven't sunk so deep
I haven't cut or drank alot
I dont use pills to sleep.

I dont think about depression
Or worry about the past
Im out to reclaim happiness
And hope that it will last.

I dont still have nightmares
Or fall when I reach a peek
The only time I feel down
Is each time that we speak.

All my life Ive compromised
What it is I do and see
But now I think its time
That I do something for me.

So Im going ahead with my life
You can be apart if you choose
I can do this without or without you
But Id like it if you do.

So know that I love you
Always have and always will
And know even if you shut me out
I will love you still.

There comes a time in every life
When we must face things alone
And know that I am strong enough
To do this on my own.

You may see it as a big mistake
It may feel as a personal hit
But the fact is this is my life
And I so choose to live it.

If I can overcome my fears
And move on from the pain
And leave behind my best friend
Then I can feel like Im alive again.

So know that no matter what is to come
That Im okay, Im going to grow
And know that I'll overcome all doubts
because you taught me all I know.

Be aware that without you
There'll be many tears I cry
But deep inside my dreams are burning
And I am learning how to fly.

And if you have your moments
When you question love you cannot see
know that I dont do this in spite
But because Im doing it for me...