Post by Pandie on Jul 15, 2010 17:42:19 GMT -5
When there is nothing to do, she lies back and allows her mind to wander to wherever it chooses to go. Tonight it doesn't take long for it to find the memory path that will consume her for the next few hours. Within minutes of closing her eyes, her mind drifts off to the last eight months of her life. It begins with remembering all the good times that the mighty powers granted her with. But instead of remembering everything, her mind chooses instead, to focus on one particular aspect of her past. her love.
The bubbly girl doesn't smile as she recounts those happy days spent with the one she loved. Still loves. There is no trace of a smile on her slightly parted lips, nor is there laughter or enjoyment reflecting in her eyes. She remains still, expressionless, as the train of tortured thoughts take her through the motions of all that she gave up. All that she pushed away. All that she regrets.
Pictures form in her minds eye, as she is forced to recount the days she was happy. The days there was a purpose greater then any known to her. As she remains unmoved, the minds eye takes over all that she is. All that she was. Withing the soft mist of raindrops padding off the closed window of her cramped room, she can hear soft laughter as in her mind, she watches two teenagers, laughing and joking in the snow. A small twitch envelopes her study lips as in the girl in the image finally falls to the snow covered ground of the highschool backdrop. There is no formal words in her mind right now, and for that she should be thankful.
Then, as quickly as the image came, it disappeared. In it's place forms a new one. The backdrop of this one is of the livingroom from her past. The two teenagers are there, sitting side by side, hand in hand. There lips are moving, and for a moment nothing but the pidderpadder of the rain can be heard to her. Then, as if someone hit the mute button on a plastic remote to a television set, words flood her mind, as it plays back to the day that she and her lover find mutural ground. She is forced to remember the joy she felt as he tells her that he likes her. Somewhere, though, there looms a picture that is not quite perfect. Another girl. His girl.
Quickly, she forces her mind to take a new road, but it is not ready to release her from it's tortured grasps. Instead, it takes a small turn to a new setting. Trees. A bench. The two of them sitting down, her arms around him. Squirrels. Clean as a bell, she can hear his voice as if it were lying right next to her now. It speaks softly. Touchingly. She doesn't know why her mind has chosen this setting tonight. Perhaps it finds joy in knowning it has the power to control her. Torture her.
As a crack of thunder rattles the glass on her window, she cracks open eyes, just in time to catch the bright light flash through the sky visible from her spot among the mattered bedsheets. Irony. She compairs the lightning bolt to that of her own life. Where love flashes, brightening everything in her, then just as quickly disappears, leaving damage that only those close enough can see.
The girl's chest rises and falls as she sighs, her eyes drifting shut again. The mind, taking cue, continues to feverishly flaunt it's talent. It slowly, soundlessly, goes through motion after motion. There first touch. First kiss. The day they made love. And every day after that. If any one was to walk past her party-opened bedroom door, they would see her pale skin reflected by the earie glow of the computer screen. They would take her for being asleep. But no one notices. No one comes. Shes alone, and far from asleep.
The mind then drives for the punchline as an image of the couple crying flickers across the screen of her memory. He loves her. She does not show a thing. Her face, as is now, remains as expressionless as a calm lake on a misty summer's day. But the mind knows that is her weakness, and plays up to it. It forces her to remember how she felt as she told him what he needed to hear. She did not love him. A lie, no doubt, but still needed to be said. She could not be with him. Only speaking the truth partly, the girl is forced to recall the tears that spilled down her lover's face. The consuming hurt in his voice. She wants to reach out to him but she knows he is not really there. She is alone. Lying, alone. She considers her mind a fisherman, and herself the fish, as it gives her some running line. Blank. The girl still doesnt move. The waterbed she lies upon, still as a rock. She knows it is only a matter of time before the mind starts to wheel her in for the final catch. Shes hooked. No escape. The fight has gone out of her, and she allows herself to be wheeled in, uncertain where her future will end up, but knowing that all that she lived for is now long gone.
The mind knows it has won, and takes its time, enjoying this new form of torture. It calmly reminds her that she is on her own. That she let the best get away. She pushed until there was nothing left to push. Nothing left to see. The girl is study. Calm. But appearances can be decieving. Inside, she struggles. A mess. Jumbles of emotions rake through the core, not even leaving the slightest ripple upon the surface. She sacraficed it all. Her happiness. Her dreams. Everything she ever wanted is gone in the blink of an eye. The mind may control her, but she knows it is her fault and her fault alone. He needed it. She keeps this thought in her conscious. It was for the best. He deserved better. Her actions were pure, honest. She gave it all up to show him what she feared all along. He didn't need her. Didnt want her.
The rain can no longer be heard to her. There is no sense of reality, as the mind cruely takes its final jerk of the line, plunging her into the darkness. She's scared. Alone. unsettled. She is alive on the outside, but not even the faintest of a pulse can be detected on the inside. She is dead. Forgotten
The bubbly girl doesn't smile as she recounts those happy days spent with the one she loved. Still loves. There is no trace of a smile on her slightly parted lips, nor is there laughter or enjoyment reflecting in her eyes. She remains still, expressionless, as the train of tortured thoughts take her through the motions of all that she gave up. All that she pushed away. All that she regrets.
Pictures form in her minds eye, as she is forced to recount the days she was happy. The days there was a purpose greater then any known to her. As she remains unmoved, the minds eye takes over all that she is. All that she was. Withing the soft mist of raindrops padding off the closed window of her cramped room, she can hear soft laughter as in her mind, she watches two teenagers, laughing and joking in the snow. A small twitch envelopes her study lips as in the girl in the image finally falls to the snow covered ground of the highschool backdrop. There is no formal words in her mind right now, and for that she should be thankful.
Then, as quickly as the image came, it disappeared. In it's place forms a new one. The backdrop of this one is of the livingroom from her past. The two teenagers are there, sitting side by side, hand in hand. There lips are moving, and for a moment nothing but the pidderpadder of the rain can be heard to her. Then, as if someone hit the mute button on a plastic remote to a television set, words flood her mind, as it plays back to the day that she and her lover find mutural ground. She is forced to remember the joy she felt as he tells her that he likes her. Somewhere, though, there looms a picture that is not quite perfect. Another girl. His girl.
Quickly, she forces her mind to take a new road, but it is not ready to release her from it's tortured grasps. Instead, it takes a small turn to a new setting. Trees. A bench. The two of them sitting down, her arms around him. Squirrels. Clean as a bell, she can hear his voice as if it were lying right next to her now. It speaks softly. Touchingly. She doesn't know why her mind has chosen this setting tonight. Perhaps it finds joy in knowning it has the power to control her. Torture her.
As a crack of thunder rattles the glass on her window, she cracks open eyes, just in time to catch the bright light flash through the sky visible from her spot among the mattered bedsheets. Irony. She compairs the lightning bolt to that of her own life. Where love flashes, brightening everything in her, then just as quickly disappears, leaving damage that only those close enough can see.
The girl's chest rises and falls as she sighs, her eyes drifting shut again. The mind, taking cue, continues to feverishly flaunt it's talent. It slowly, soundlessly, goes through motion after motion. There first touch. First kiss. The day they made love. And every day after that. If any one was to walk past her party-opened bedroom door, they would see her pale skin reflected by the earie glow of the computer screen. They would take her for being asleep. But no one notices. No one comes. Shes alone, and far from asleep.
The mind then drives for the punchline as an image of the couple crying flickers across the screen of her memory. He loves her. She does not show a thing. Her face, as is now, remains as expressionless as a calm lake on a misty summer's day. But the mind knows that is her weakness, and plays up to it. It forces her to remember how she felt as she told him what he needed to hear. She did not love him. A lie, no doubt, but still needed to be said. She could not be with him. Only speaking the truth partly, the girl is forced to recall the tears that spilled down her lover's face. The consuming hurt in his voice. She wants to reach out to him but she knows he is not really there. She is alone. Lying, alone. She considers her mind a fisherman, and herself the fish, as it gives her some running line. Blank. The girl still doesnt move. The waterbed she lies upon, still as a rock. She knows it is only a matter of time before the mind starts to wheel her in for the final catch. Shes hooked. No escape. The fight has gone out of her, and she allows herself to be wheeled in, uncertain where her future will end up, but knowing that all that she lived for is now long gone.
The mind knows it has won, and takes its time, enjoying this new form of torture. It calmly reminds her that she is on her own. That she let the best get away. She pushed until there was nothing left to push. Nothing left to see. The girl is study. Calm. But appearances can be decieving. Inside, she struggles. A mess. Jumbles of emotions rake through the core, not even leaving the slightest ripple upon the surface. She sacraficed it all. Her happiness. Her dreams. Everything she ever wanted is gone in the blink of an eye. The mind may control her, but she knows it is her fault and her fault alone. He needed it. She keeps this thought in her conscious. It was for the best. He deserved better. Her actions were pure, honest. She gave it all up to show him what she feared all along. He didn't need her. Didnt want her.
The rain can no longer be heard to her. There is no sense of reality, as the mind cruely takes its final jerk of the line, plunging her into the darkness. She's scared. Alone. unsettled. She is alive on the outside, but not even the faintest of a pulse can be detected on the inside. She is dead. Forgotten
