Post by Pandie on Jul 15, 2010 17:45:20 GMT -5
You know, I always knew that time can heal all wounds, but I never really put much thought into how much damage time can do as well.
A relationship, in the beginning, blossoms, sending the notion that everything is going to work out happily ever after, with no sense whatsoever, of the pain and frustration you will experience later on in the courtship.
I just finished reading something I had written months ago when I first started having feelings for my fiance. How thing's were always carefree, and easy. You know, the first blossom of the relationship. And somewhere in there, I realized how much our relationship has changed over time.
Those carefree gestures no longer happen unless one of us is in trouble. Those 'just because' kisses ceased to exist. And all those 'comments' we used to have, just harmlessly bickering back and forth totally went out the window, being replaced by full fledged fighting.
I realized that I missed the way our relationship used to be, and I wanted it back. So even though he had made me mad, I tried my best to forgive him, and explain what I had just read and that I wanted back the relationship we once had. He had followed with his agreement.
So there it is. We were back on the road to recovering our falling relationship to the beauty that it once was. And that road lasted a whole five minutes, before he was once again saying thing's to upset me.
He has that nasty habit where he doesn't trust anyone, and so automatically because of this, everything I say has to be a lie. And quite frankly, you can only take being accused of lying so many times before it begins to drive you crazy.
So maybe we can't have the relationship we once had, as much as I want to. He simply seems to enjoy hurting me too much to even try to work for the fun we used to have.
I asked him why he was even with me, if he doesn't give a fudge about anyone but himself, and he sure as heck doesn't trust anyone but himself... And the only answer I got was "why not."
Why not, babe.. You're there.. You help support me... You give me everything I want, you spoil me, your good in bed, your the perfect person to make feel bad because your so sensitive, and putting you down makes me feel good and more powerful about myself... So why not...
No, he didn't say that, but he might as well have.. What kind of an answer is "why not"...
Maybe our relationship will never be as good as it once was... I don't know. But if there's one thing I'm certain of, is that if our relationship keeps heading in the direction it's going, there won't be a relationship to have.
And with that small knowledge that I keep to myself, I'm terrified that not only will we not have the chance to rebuild the relationship we had when he made me fall in love with him... But also that I will loose all 'relationship' reference with him altogether...
Now adays, I don't know why he remains with me. Heck, apparently even he doesn't know.... And I've done everything I possibly can to be everything he needs... Perhaps that was my error. I gave it all to him, instead of making him work for it, like I have to work for his.
I guess my lesson is that no matter how good a relationship begins off as, don't assume it's always going to be good, and start slacking off on the work. A relationship, no matter how good it is at the beginning, requires you to work at it... The whole way through.. Else it turns so sour, there's no way to get it back to base one...
Now I'm left trying to recover the love that I have, before it runs thin....
A relationship, in the beginning, blossoms, sending the notion that everything is going to work out happily ever after, with no sense whatsoever, of the pain and frustration you will experience later on in the courtship.
I just finished reading something I had written months ago when I first started having feelings for my fiance. How thing's were always carefree, and easy. You know, the first blossom of the relationship. And somewhere in there, I realized how much our relationship has changed over time.
Those carefree gestures no longer happen unless one of us is in trouble. Those 'just because' kisses ceased to exist. And all those 'comments' we used to have, just harmlessly bickering back and forth totally went out the window, being replaced by full fledged fighting.
I realized that I missed the way our relationship used to be, and I wanted it back. So even though he had made me mad, I tried my best to forgive him, and explain what I had just read and that I wanted back the relationship we once had. He had followed with his agreement.
So there it is. We were back on the road to recovering our falling relationship to the beauty that it once was. And that road lasted a whole five minutes, before he was once again saying thing's to upset me.
He has that nasty habit where he doesn't trust anyone, and so automatically because of this, everything I say has to be a lie. And quite frankly, you can only take being accused of lying so many times before it begins to drive you crazy.
So maybe we can't have the relationship we once had, as much as I want to. He simply seems to enjoy hurting me too much to even try to work for the fun we used to have.
I asked him why he was even with me, if he doesn't give a fudge about anyone but himself, and he sure as heck doesn't trust anyone but himself... And the only answer I got was "why not."
Why not, babe.. You're there.. You help support me... You give me everything I want, you spoil me, your good in bed, your the perfect person to make feel bad because your so sensitive, and putting you down makes me feel good and more powerful about myself... So why not...
No, he didn't say that, but he might as well have.. What kind of an answer is "why not"...
Maybe our relationship will never be as good as it once was... I don't know. But if there's one thing I'm certain of, is that if our relationship keeps heading in the direction it's going, there won't be a relationship to have.
And with that small knowledge that I keep to myself, I'm terrified that not only will we not have the chance to rebuild the relationship we had when he made me fall in love with him... But also that I will loose all 'relationship' reference with him altogether...
Now adays, I don't know why he remains with me. Heck, apparently even he doesn't know.... And I've done everything I possibly can to be everything he needs... Perhaps that was my error. I gave it all to him, instead of making him work for it, like I have to work for his.
I guess my lesson is that no matter how good a relationship begins off as, don't assume it's always going to be good, and start slacking off on the work. A relationship, no matter how good it is at the beginning, requires you to work at it... The whole way through.. Else it turns so sour, there's no way to get it back to base one...
Now I'm left trying to recover the love that I have, before it runs thin....
