Post by Pandie on Jul 15, 2010 17:46:56 GMT -5
You know, even when part of you know's that leaving was the right thing to do, you still find yourself wishing you hadn't. It's not because you miss them, or even that you still care about them, but because the feeling of being utterly alone is so overwhelming at times.
It's hard to believe that I'm a well liked person. There's so many people that enjoy my company, know my name, and come running up to greet me with hugs and warm welcomes. Why is this so hard to believe? That's simple... Because I often feel like the odd one out.
I'm in a small town where the only three thing's to do is drink, do drugs and have meaningless one night stands. Sure, sounds like a blast to most, but it's not me. I don't fit in here, never have never will.
My ex used to tell me that I was completely fake because I held fast to the need to live in an utopain world. I refused to watch the news or read the paper because I didn't want to hear about all the negative thing's that go on in the world these days.
Perhaps, to him, it made sense. I was a fake. In his mind, people like me don't exist. No one is that nieve. But that would be a lie, because though the world isn't full of them I refuse to believe that I'm the only one out there that thinks the way I think, feels the way I feel.
What's the big deal if I don't see the point of drinking yourself stupid every weekend, or doing drugs as an excuse to act like a total fool. Why is it so hard to believe that sex isn't everything to everybody, or that it's not on your mind all the time?
Some people have higher expectations for themselves, I guess. We're all about having fun, but we want to do it with some dignity. So why is it I'm the only one here that feels that way? How can everyone like me, and yet have nothing in common with me?
I'm not that different from everyone else out there. Sure, I don't care about my appearance, I'm not into drugs and alcohol, and I don't go to bars to find a guy... But I think, I breath, I dream just like everyone else.
What's so wrong with wanting to live in an utiopian world? What's wrong with wanting to fall in love, build a life, be happy? Is it that big of a deal that it's taking longer then you had thought?
It's hard, this feeling. Like you're on your own, there's no one there going through it with you. But it's who I am and I can't I refuse to change that.
I'm not an angel. I make mistakes. I choose wrong paths. I bend the rules. Just because I want something more for my life does not mean I'm belittling those whom are content to live the way they are. It merely says that that life isn't for me.
You can call me fake. You can tell me I'm one big lie. I'm unrealistic. It hurts, sure, but it won't change my outlook on life. I am who I am, and as much as it's hard to believe, I wouldn't have it any other way.
You can think I'm an angel. That I'm extreamly optimistic. That I'm too innocent for this town, this world. You're intitled to your own opinion. But please remember...
Even angels fall sometimes.
Right now I've fallen. I've begun to question if I really want to be different anymore. What I wouldnt' do to be able to throw caution to the wind and live in the spur of the moment like everyone else. But it's not who I am.
This is me... Take it or leave it. You can choose to accept me for who I am, or not. I can't control that.
Perhaps it is my own mistake. I give you the illusion that I'm pure. I'm different. I'm always happy, always laughing, always smiling. Do you ever wonder why?
I think, perhaps, it's because it's what get's me through. The world is full of enough people needing a hero, needing someone to lean on. Why should I add to the burden of a doomed world? Why should I let my true thoughts show when so many depend on me to lift them out of their own troubles?
I will always be the sturdy rock for you to lean against. I will listen to your problems, offer you my advice, and sit comfortingly close as you rest against my shoulder. I will be your pillar of strength when you feel like you can't carry on on your own.
And when you ask how I am, or what's wrong, and I say "nothing, I'm great" would it kill you to occasionally look me in the eye's and say "tell me the truth..."
The world is full of people whom want to make it all about them. They look at their lives and find so many thing's to dislike about it. Full of people that need us, the silent ones, to tell them that thing's could be worse. To help them through their troubles.
But never forget.. Even if we're strong enough for you to lean on, doesn't mean that on occasion we too could use a hand. Don't take our word for it.. Take a moment to step out of whatever drama you've worked yourself up about and look.. Really look.. Maybe, just maybe, you'll see beyond the mask of happiness and realize we're not as strong as we pretend to be.
It's hard to believe that I'm a well liked person. There's so many people that enjoy my company, know my name, and come running up to greet me with hugs and warm welcomes. Why is this so hard to believe? That's simple... Because I often feel like the odd one out.
I'm in a small town where the only three thing's to do is drink, do drugs and have meaningless one night stands. Sure, sounds like a blast to most, but it's not me. I don't fit in here, never have never will.
My ex used to tell me that I was completely fake because I held fast to the need to live in an utopain world. I refused to watch the news or read the paper because I didn't want to hear about all the negative thing's that go on in the world these days.
Perhaps, to him, it made sense. I was a fake. In his mind, people like me don't exist. No one is that nieve. But that would be a lie, because though the world isn't full of them I refuse to believe that I'm the only one out there that thinks the way I think, feels the way I feel.
What's the big deal if I don't see the point of drinking yourself stupid every weekend, or doing drugs as an excuse to act like a total fool. Why is it so hard to believe that sex isn't everything to everybody, or that it's not on your mind all the time?
Some people have higher expectations for themselves, I guess. We're all about having fun, but we want to do it with some dignity. So why is it I'm the only one here that feels that way? How can everyone like me, and yet have nothing in common with me?
I'm not that different from everyone else out there. Sure, I don't care about my appearance, I'm not into drugs and alcohol, and I don't go to bars to find a guy... But I think, I breath, I dream just like everyone else.
What's so wrong with wanting to live in an utiopian world? What's wrong with wanting to fall in love, build a life, be happy? Is it that big of a deal that it's taking longer then you had thought?
It's hard, this feeling. Like you're on your own, there's no one there going through it with you. But it's who I am and I can't I refuse to change that.
I'm not an angel. I make mistakes. I choose wrong paths. I bend the rules. Just because I want something more for my life does not mean I'm belittling those whom are content to live the way they are. It merely says that that life isn't for me.
You can call me fake. You can tell me I'm one big lie. I'm unrealistic. It hurts, sure, but it won't change my outlook on life. I am who I am, and as much as it's hard to believe, I wouldn't have it any other way.
You can think I'm an angel. That I'm extreamly optimistic. That I'm too innocent for this town, this world. You're intitled to your own opinion. But please remember...
Even angels fall sometimes.
Right now I've fallen. I've begun to question if I really want to be different anymore. What I wouldnt' do to be able to throw caution to the wind and live in the spur of the moment like everyone else. But it's not who I am.
This is me... Take it or leave it. You can choose to accept me for who I am, or not. I can't control that.
Perhaps it is my own mistake. I give you the illusion that I'm pure. I'm different. I'm always happy, always laughing, always smiling. Do you ever wonder why?
I think, perhaps, it's because it's what get's me through. The world is full of enough people needing a hero, needing someone to lean on. Why should I add to the burden of a doomed world? Why should I let my true thoughts show when so many depend on me to lift them out of their own troubles?
I will always be the sturdy rock for you to lean against. I will listen to your problems, offer you my advice, and sit comfortingly close as you rest against my shoulder. I will be your pillar of strength when you feel like you can't carry on on your own.
And when you ask how I am, or what's wrong, and I say "nothing, I'm great" would it kill you to occasionally look me in the eye's and say "tell me the truth..."
The world is full of people whom want to make it all about them. They look at their lives and find so many thing's to dislike about it. Full of people that need us, the silent ones, to tell them that thing's could be worse. To help them through their troubles.
But never forget.. Even if we're strong enough for you to lean on, doesn't mean that on occasion we too could use a hand. Don't take our word for it.. Take a moment to step out of whatever drama you've worked yourself up about and look.. Really look.. Maybe, just maybe, you'll see beyond the mask of happiness and realize we're not as strong as we pretend to be.
