Post by Pandie on Jul 15, 2010 17:47:27 GMT -5
I'm beginning to think that I'm not meant for this world. It seems no matter what I do, I never come out on top. How many tests can the fates put me through before they expect me to fail?
The past couple of months have been so hard, so challenging. I lost two best friends, a love, a roommate, my confidence, my hopes, health, pride. There isn't much I haven't lost lately.
You'd think that I have proven myself enough to the fates to leave me alone now, or at least warrant a vacation from everything that temptation and pain brings. I'm only one person, and people shouldn't have to deal with all of this all at once.
I've been teased, disowned, broken hearted, sexually assulted. I've been alone, abused, belittled. I've loved and lost, loved and learnt, and loved and broke. I've had arguements, been afraid, and gotten beaten up. What more can happen?
Through everything I've struggled to remain strong. Unbending. Faithful. But I fear should the punches keep coming, I will break and I will loose the fight to stay alive.
My mind is full of worries, of frustration, of doubt. I don't want to take any more. I just want to be left alone.
And now people are already telling me not to charge her for beating me up. To 'let the street take care of it.' but I'm not sure I can. I don't like people trying to solve my problems for me. I don't wany my friends going after her because she took her anger out on me. I don't want the street to handle it.
If I charge her, there will be a lot of people not happy with me. The rules of this town are different then those I live by. But I'm a firm believer of my rules, my choice of standards, my life. I strongly believe that if I don't charge her, she will either get away with it and not learn from her mistake, or my friends will turn their anger on what she did to me onto her, and I don't want that either.
Yes, it's touching that my friends have my back, but fighting does not warrant more fighting. She deserves to learn from her mistake, but not by someone making that exact same mistake that they're trying to teach her from.
I'm confused, and I'm scared, but I will pull through it. I have to. Too many people are depending on me. The world can rip me apart peice by peice, but until the last shred is gone, I will continue to stand my ground. Throw broken hearts at me. Throw financial worries my way. Toss in some abuse, and health issues all you want.
You will not break me. I was raised to be strong, to believe in myself. And there's nothing anyone or anything can do to take my believe from me. I will come out on top. My family is bred of survivors, and I will not be the one to fail.
I may be small, and I may simply be one person.. But this girl has alot of fight in her. And, eventually, she will win.
The past couple of months have been so hard, so challenging. I lost two best friends, a love, a roommate, my confidence, my hopes, health, pride. There isn't much I haven't lost lately.
You'd think that I have proven myself enough to the fates to leave me alone now, or at least warrant a vacation from everything that temptation and pain brings. I'm only one person, and people shouldn't have to deal with all of this all at once.
I've been teased, disowned, broken hearted, sexually assulted. I've been alone, abused, belittled. I've loved and lost, loved and learnt, and loved and broke. I've had arguements, been afraid, and gotten beaten up. What more can happen?
Through everything I've struggled to remain strong. Unbending. Faithful. But I fear should the punches keep coming, I will break and I will loose the fight to stay alive.
My mind is full of worries, of frustration, of doubt. I don't want to take any more. I just want to be left alone.
And now people are already telling me not to charge her for beating me up. To 'let the street take care of it.' but I'm not sure I can. I don't like people trying to solve my problems for me. I don't wany my friends going after her because she took her anger out on me. I don't want the street to handle it.
If I charge her, there will be a lot of people not happy with me. The rules of this town are different then those I live by. But I'm a firm believer of my rules, my choice of standards, my life. I strongly believe that if I don't charge her, she will either get away with it and not learn from her mistake, or my friends will turn their anger on what she did to me onto her, and I don't want that either.
Yes, it's touching that my friends have my back, but fighting does not warrant more fighting. She deserves to learn from her mistake, but not by someone making that exact same mistake that they're trying to teach her from.
I'm confused, and I'm scared, but I will pull through it. I have to. Too many people are depending on me. The world can rip me apart peice by peice, but until the last shred is gone, I will continue to stand my ground. Throw broken hearts at me. Throw financial worries my way. Toss in some abuse, and health issues all you want.
You will not break me. I was raised to be strong, to believe in myself. And there's nothing anyone or anything can do to take my believe from me. I will come out on top. My family is bred of survivors, and I will not be the one to fail.
I may be small, and I may simply be one person.. But this girl has alot of fight in her. And, eventually, she will win.
