Post by Pandie on Jul 15, 2010 17:50:49 GMT -5
Every year millions of people end their christmas holiday with the same habit. Before the tree's taken down and packed away for another year, before the dinner that you ate way too much of has even had time to settle, and before you're parting with family and friends, you begin to think of the very next holiday on the list. New Years. And with New Years, millions of people begin to compile and weigh the options of exactly what their New Year's Resolution shall be.
New Years has always been my absolute favorite holiday. Not because it's a time to get together with family (not that I don't love you guys, of course!) ans not because it's the perfect excuse to get unbelievably drunk (I never was much of a drinker anyways) but because it holds so much more magic, so much more possibility then any other holiday in the year.
New Years isn't about changing yourself, or making goals that you know you're going to break in a week's time anyways. It's not about 'out with the old and in with the new' and not's even about reinventing yourself, though it can be a great time to start.
So many people get caught up in the traditional "This year I'm going to change, this year I'm not going to make any of the mistakes I made in the past" methods, that they forget to see the beauty of starting a whole new year.
First of all, when you're reflecting back over the entire year that just flew by, undoubtedly spending more time wallowing in the not-so-pleasant times then embracing the good, don't forget to remind yourself the most important thing. No matter WHAT happened this past year, no matter the mistakes you made, the pain you endured, or the people you had to say goodbye to, remember that you survived it.
You came out, a little battered a little bruised, but for the most part, all in one piece. All those 'terrible' times you are so desperately looking forward to stashing away in the 'past' and starting fresh are proof that you are stronger then you gave yourself credit for a year ago. You survived another year of heartache, stress, money troubles. You survived lost friendships, broken hearts, and the death of those around you. Already, you are better. Already, you are changed. You survived 2009. That in itself is cause for celebration.
As I sit here, reflecting, over my own past in 2009 I can think of many thing's that I'd have loved a do-over for. I have born my struggles and I wield the scars. I have had heartbreak, I have had stress. I struggled with the typical lessons that a single mother experiences during that first fightful year. I have had money issues, all nighters packed to the brim with screaming. I've had rushes to emerg, and the feeling of a quickened pulse when your one bumps their head, or adds yet another bruise as they learn to walk.
I have felt lost, and scared. Alone, man I can't even begin to count how many times I felt alone this past year. So sure, there have been many thing's that I'd love to tuck away into the past and I could very well make my New Year's Resolution to be better, to have this new year excel where the last had not. But there are no garantees in life. I cannot promise myself that 2010 will far outweigh the results of 2009. I cannot swear that I will lose those 20-odd pounds that seem to have affectionately attached themselves to my hips since bearing a child. Heck, I cannot even say with certain confidence that this year I will imrpove a single aspect of my life.
New Year's Resolutions are great, in retrospect. A goal one set's themselves, and for an entire week, is steadfast and determined to see it met. But it seems New Year's Resolutions rarely ever last. Why is that, do you think?
So, no. I did not make a New Year's Resolution this year. Instead, I have compiled a small list of goals that I do hope I can accomplish in this coming year. To you, they may seem simple and pointless. Boring, even. But these goals are mine and mine alone. And so long as I want them bad enough, so long as I work towards them, they are just as important as anyone elses.
1. First Date.
My first goal that I hope to accomplish sometime during 2010 is to meet the guy I affectionately call My Best Friend. I know it may seem like an odd goal for most, afterall, you have to know someone remarkably well before you can call them a best friend. Oddly, my best friend and I have never really met. So in 2010, I hope that I will be able to afford to get that privledge.
2. Give Back.
When I was younger I always said that I wanted to change the world. Lately, I haven't been trying all that hard. Somewhere along the way I discovered that changing the world is a lot harder then you thought when you were six years old. So perhaps it's not time to forget that goal, but rather to adjust it so that it's within reach. Instead of changing the world, I should have been helping other's to change it. So, for 2010 I would like to do one unexpected act of kindness each week. Be it watching my sister's daughter when she needs some time alone, or cleaning the complex when my mother's had a stressful day. Helping a neighbour carry their shopping bags inside, or simply taking time to listen to an online friend as they vent away the frustration that they've built up in their own lives. I may not be able to change the world... But I'd like to at least end 2010 with being able to help at least one person, no matter now small that help may be. There's no greater satisfaction then knowing you helped someone change.. For the better.
3. Star-gaze.
This year, if financial means are kind to me, I would really like to get myself a telescope. I've always been fastinated with the stars, and have always dreamed of simply sitting outside in the isolated darkness, with nothing but the silence and the stars. Instead of dreaming it, I think this year I'd like to try and accomplish that dream.
4. Super-mom.
This will only be my second year as a mother, so I still have quite a lot to learn. I've always been a bit of an isolated person who absolutely loved having time to herself. Being a single mother certainly doesn't provide you with much of that anymore. Suddenly your entire life revolves around someone else's schedule, someone else's needs. And sometimes I slip. Sometimes I just want to curl up on my couch, or in my bed, with a book and not move until I've read it from cover to cover. Or sometimes I just want to slip on my shoes and go for a walk in the night with no particular destination in mind. If I was super-mom I could juggle both the thing's I want and the thing's I need. I could be both Mom and Candi. I'm hoping, during the course of 2010 I learn to do just that. I love my daughter, and I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade that for the world. But, I miss being Candi too. There are no laws saying I cannot be both. In 2010 I hope to beable to find a balance between the two that works out for the best for both of us.
5. Life outside my house.
You did read that correctly. I used to enjoy getting together with friends, playing cards, having paintball gun fights. Used to have a movie night ever Tuesday night too, where my friends and I would all get together, pile in a small cramped room and watch a movie, bickering back and forth through all of it. I don't think I went an entire day without at least one person showing up at my door to visit. That's changed a great deal these days. I wrapped myself into my own little world, and I was comfortable there. I've never been very good in the big crowds, and always was a secret loner. At least, the kind that felt more comfortable being by themselves then the center of attention. I think I've gotten a little too comfortable with that, proof in the fact that I turned down 4 different New Year's plans so I could spend it by myself. So, guess what I'm trying to say is that 2010 might be the time to start letting people in again. To actually start leaving the house, and not just when I absolutely have to. Peyton deserves to see there's a life outside of playing with her Mommy.
New Years has always been my absolute favorite holiday. Not because it's a time to get together with family (not that I don't love you guys, of course!) ans not because it's the perfect excuse to get unbelievably drunk (I never was much of a drinker anyways) but because it holds so much more magic, so much more possibility then any other holiday in the year.
New Years isn't about changing yourself, or making goals that you know you're going to break in a week's time anyways. It's not about 'out with the old and in with the new' and not's even about reinventing yourself, though it can be a great time to start.
So many people get caught up in the traditional "This year I'm going to change, this year I'm not going to make any of the mistakes I made in the past" methods, that they forget to see the beauty of starting a whole new year.
First of all, when you're reflecting back over the entire year that just flew by, undoubtedly spending more time wallowing in the not-so-pleasant times then embracing the good, don't forget to remind yourself the most important thing. No matter WHAT happened this past year, no matter the mistakes you made, the pain you endured, or the people you had to say goodbye to, remember that you survived it.
You came out, a little battered a little bruised, but for the most part, all in one piece. All those 'terrible' times you are so desperately looking forward to stashing away in the 'past' and starting fresh are proof that you are stronger then you gave yourself credit for a year ago. You survived another year of heartache, stress, money troubles. You survived lost friendships, broken hearts, and the death of those around you. Already, you are better. Already, you are changed. You survived 2009. That in itself is cause for celebration.
As I sit here, reflecting, over my own past in 2009 I can think of many thing's that I'd have loved a do-over for. I have born my struggles and I wield the scars. I have had heartbreak, I have had stress. I struggled with the typical lessons that a single mother experiences during that first fightful year. I have had money issues, all nighters packed to the brim with screaming. I've had rushes to emerg, and the feeling of a quickened pulse when your one bumps their head, or adds yet another bruise as they learn to walk.
I have felt lost, and scared. Alone, man I can't even begin to count how many times I felt alone this past year. So sure, there have been many thing's that I'd love to tuck away into the past and I could very well make my New Year's Resolution to be better, to have this new year excel where the last had not. But there are no garantees in life. I cannot promise myself that 2010 will far outweigh the results of 2009. I cannot swear that I will lose those 20-odd pounds that seem to have affectionately attached themselves to my hips since bearing a child. Heck, I cannot even say with certain confidence that this year I will imrpove a single aspect of my life.
New Year's Resolutions are great, in retrospect. A goal one set's themselves, and for an entire week, is steadfast and determined to see it met. But it seems New Year's Resolutions rarely ever last. Why is that, do you think?
So, no. I did not make a New Year's Resolution this year. Instead, I have compiled a small list of goals that I do hope I can accomplish in this coming year. To you, they may seem simple and pointless. Boring, even. But these goals are mine and mine alone. And so long as I want them bad enough, so long as I work towards them, they are just as important as anyone elses.
1. First Date.
My first goal that I hope to accomplish sometime during 2010 is to meet the guy I affectionately call My Best Friend. I know it may seem like an odd goal for most, afterall, you have to know someone remarkably well before you can call them a best friend. Oddly, my best friend and I have never really met. So in 2010, I hope that I will be able to afford to get that privledge.
2. Give Back.
When I was younger I always said that I wanted to change the world. Lately, I haven't been trying all that hard. Somewhere along the way I discovered that changing the world is a lot harder then you thought when you were six years old. So perhaps it's not time to forget that goal, but rather to adjust it so that it's within reach. Instead of changing the world, I should have been helping other's to change it. So, for 2010 I would like to do one unexpected act of kindness each week. Be it watching my sister's daughter when she needs some time alone, or cleaning the complex when my mother's had a stressful day. Helping a neighbour carry their shopping bags inside, or simply taking time to listen to an online friend as they vent away the frustration that they've built up in their own lives. I may not be able to change the world... But I'd like to at least end 2010 with being able to help at least one person, no matter now small that help may be. There's no greater satisfaction then knowing you helped someone change.. For the better.
3. Star-gaze.
This year, if financial means are kind to me, I would really like to get myself a telescope. I've always been fastinated with the stars, and have always dreamed of simply sitting outside in the isolated darkness, with nothing but the silence and the stars. Instead of dreaming it, I think this year I'd like to try and accomplish that dream.
4. Super-mom.
This will only be my second year as a mother, so I still have quite a lot to learn. I've always been a bit of an isolated person who absolutely loved having time to herself. Being a single mother certainly doesn't provide you with much of that anymore. Suddenly your entire life revolves around someone else's schedule, someone else's needs. And sometimes I slip. Sometimes I just want to curl up on my couch, or in my bed, with a book and not move until I've read it from cover to cover. Or sometimes I just want to slip on my shoes and go for a walk in the night with no particular destination in mind. If I was super-mom I could juggle both the thing's I want and the thing's I need. I could be both Mom and Candi. I'm hoping, during the course of 2010 I learn to do just that. I love my daughter, and I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade that for the world. But, I miss being Candi too. There are no laws saying I cannot be both. In 2010 I hope to beable to find a balance between the two that works out for the best for both of us.
5. Life outside my house.
You did read that correctly. I used to enjoy getting together with friends, playing cards, having paintball gun fights. Used to have a movie night ever Tuesday night too, where my friends and I would all get together, pile in a small cramped room and watch a movie, bickering back and forth through all of it. I don't think I went an entire day without at least one person showing up at my door to visit. That's changed a great deal these days. I wrapped myself into my own little world, and I was comfortable there. I've never been very good in the big crowds, and always was a secret loner. At least, the kind that felt more comfortable being by themselves then the center of attention. I think I've gotten a little too comfortable with that, proof in the fact that I turned down 4 different New Year's plans so I could spend it by myself. So, guess what I'm trying to say is that 2010 might be the time to start letting people in again. To actually start leaving the house, and not just when I absolutely have to. Peyton deserves to see there's a life outside of playing with her Mommy.