Cold and Selfish

[Pandie]

It's funny how the world is
Where nothing's as it seems
Millions of people all around
And no one hear's my screams.

I silently stand before you
A smile on my face
The unfalling tears unseen
Have all but been erased.

When the going get's too rough
We all do the same thing
Turning to our best friend
Our rock, in which we cling.

Who know's our very soul
Our hopes, and our fears
Who wraps us up in a tight embrace
And brushes away our tears.

But sometimes, as it happens
It's your friends that make you cry
And all that trust you put in them
Somehow goes awry.

So tonight, I drop my mask
And stand, naked before your gaze
Not the strong woman that you've known
But a girl who's lost her ways.

I know that when we are upset
We tend to say thing's we don't mean
But I also know nothing's random
Which is what makes this so serene.

You told me I was cold and selfish
Words that tore my world apart
Your words shot right through my walls
And shattered my very heart.

I showed you part of my soul
Of the emotions within me
I hoped that you would understand
But I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Cold and selfish, you chided
Unaware of my pain
And right that very moment
Unshed tears fell down like rain.

All I wanted was my best friend
To look deep within my heart
And see this fight had broken me
But you only saw my silhouette.

You only saw a woman
Who had a point to prove
A girl who needed your love
An obsticle to remove.

I always thought that this was it
You were who I was meant to find
And together, we'd be best friends
Our very lives entwined.

I never hid a thing from you
All I was, you saw
And I stayed well away from topics
That always made you withdraw.

But now I wonder if it was wise
For it's all been used against me
And all we seem to do now
Is strongly disagree.

Cold and Selfish, you may think
Because I got upset
Because I wanted my friend to notice
And stand up for me yet.

Perhaps, again, you're right
Perhaps my heart is cold.
My selfish need for my friend
Is what caused our troubles to unfold.

But if cold and selfish got me
Where I am today
Then I can accept that title
And with it, I'll be okay.

Do I wish that it was different
That she came to me instead
And asked if what she heard was true
Before the pain had spread.

Do I wish that you had let me
Help the only way I could
Or reacted with some patience
The way you think I should.

Do I wish that in the end
I swallowed my own hurt
At being accused of the pain
That put her on alert.

Do I wish that I kept to myself
How much it bothered me
Or that I remained strong
Like I'm supposed to be.

Do I wish that all these years
Of being my best friend
Would have made you understand
The mask was all pretend.

Of course, for these I'd wish
To take back this view of you
But everybody knows
Wishes don't come true.

So here I stand before you
My heart broken and bruised
And tell you clearly I'm not the one
That you can't stand to lose.

If cold and selfish is what you see
Then let us not drag this on
Perhaps some day you'll look back for me
And realize that I'm gone...

And with it, I took my shoulder
That you used to lean upon
I took my words of forgiveness
No matter what went wrong.

I took my loving heart
That you shattered into two
And I took that friend of six years
That was always there for you.

I took the promise of forever
And my comforting embrace
And the 'home' that felt so right
That you never will replace.

With me, I took my dreams
Of a friendship turned to love
Of those adoring eyes
Who always rose above.

I took them all with me
When I walked away from you
For those are not things
That cold and selfish people do.